Benchwarmer Philosopher Gifts

'See that, Greg? His back is straight. Both feet flat on the floor. Eyes fixed on the game. It's natural talent, Greg. You just can't teach that.'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

"I AM at my usual position."

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'I know I'm still in the Juniors, but I already need a therapist.'

"Everyone, please welcome our new VP of being promoted and paid lots more than you for no apparent reason!"

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

"The corner ledge is reserved for senior management."

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

'As chairman, that's my opinion. I propose we table any motion to further discuss this matter. All those in favor say 'aye'. All those opposed say 'bye'.'

'That's true son..Money can't buy happiness. But it makes being unhappy a little easier to live with.'

"Most of us get around the company motto by saying 'No can do' instead!"

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'I have an MBA, but I've never MBAed.'

'Miss Fogarty, I'm not having any fun.'

"Being my own boss sounds fun but I wouldn't be able to motivate myself."

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

Boring Board Meeting

"Why is our company always at the back of the wagon train?"

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

'Gentlemen we need more growth.'

"Life isn't fair, and that's what makes it fun."