Benchwarmer Enthusiast Gifts

'Harold! Go in for ... dang.'

'Well, I don't know much about sport, but I know what I like.'

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"I AM at my usual position."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

'I hibernate in a small crevice near the hot springs that stays warm all winter.'

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

Feathered frenzy

'Anyone else would be satisfied with one coat, but not you!'

Spring Training

"I'm having my annual reunion with Polartec, Thinsulate, fleece, and my oldest friend, wool."

Why don't you look at ME that way?

'Any place that doesn't have snow.'

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

'See that, Greg? His back is straight. Both feet flat on the floor. Eyes fixed on the game. It's natural talent, Greg. You just can't teach that.'

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

"Central air? I am so jealous!"

People for the ethical treatment of athletes.

'Doesn't this bench belong in the park?'

Park Statue

'That's impressive, Hanks. Now just 'presto' it right back out of his skill. Geez... And you wonder why you never play.'

Coming soon, wet paint.

“I like this painting because it has a bench.”

Bland leading the bland.

"I AM at my usual position."

'Dear diary: day sixty, still haven't played. Starting to regret choosing baseball. Over the NBA...'

"Well would you look at that. . . Our A/C decided to go out at the beginning of a 10-day record heat wave."