Benchwarmer Enthusiast Gifts

'Harold! Go in for ... dang.'

'Well, I don't know much about sport, but I know what I like.'

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"I AM at my usual position."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

'I hibernate in a small crevice near the hot springs that stays warm all winter.'

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

Feathered frenzy

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'Anyone else would be satisfied with one coat, but not you!'

Spring Training

"I'm having my annual reunion with Polartec, Thinsulate, fleece, and my oldest friend, wool."

Why don't you look at ME that way?

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

'Any place that doesn't have snow.'

I'm a seat warmer test dummy.

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

Nobody has been on the this team longer, without actually playing in a game than you guys. We're setting a benchmark!

'See that, Greg? His back is straight. Both feet flat on the floor. Eyes fixed on the game. It's natural talent, Greg. You just can't teach that.'

"Central air? I am so jealous!"

People for the ethical treatment of athletes.

'That's impressive, Hanks. Now just 'presto' it right back out of his skill. Geez... And you wonder why you never play.'

'Doesn't this bench belong in the park?'

Coming soon, wet paint.

Park Statue

“I like this painting because it has a bench.”

Bland leading the bland.

"I AM at my usual position."

'Dear diary: day sixty, still haven't played. Starting to regret choosing baseball. Over the NBA...'