Bench Warmer Humor Gifts

"I AM at my usual position."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"I AM at my usual position."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'

"She was a rescue."

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

Feathered frenzy

"Yes, it's snowing in my office. Corporate feels utilities, like heat, are a luxury."

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

Spring Training

"Nothing like a snow zombie."

'Notice to all employees...there is altogether too much goofing off on company time.'

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

"By the time I knocked all the rough edges off I had nothing left."

I'm a seat warmer test dummy.

Woman sunbathing on snowy balcony under sunlamp.

'See that, Greg? His back is straight. Both feet flat on the floor. Eyes fixed on the game. It's natural talent, Greg. You just can't teach that.'

'What do you mean, you want rollerblades?'

Nobody has been on the this team longer, without actually playing in a game than you guys. We're setting a benchmark!

'Sorry but that one definitely had to come out.'

People for the ethical treatment of athletes.

Season's Greetings from Santa cooler...

'That's impressive, Hanks. Now just 'presto' it right back out of his skill. Geez... And you wonder why you never play.'

Using a Snow Blower in Dorm Room.

Sunblock 2025

'Dear diary: day sixty, still haven't played. Starting to regret choosing baseball. Over the NBA...'

"When you're through with that, there's a water cooler on seven that needs emptying."

'That's the trouble with parks football - there's not much quality on the bench!'