Benchwarmer Supporter Gifts

'Sweeny's been sitting on the bench too long. We're going to need the jumper cables.'

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"I AM at my usual position."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

Prejudice/Empathy

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'I said 'Shall I put the cat out?''

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

'...Basset Hound! Anal sacs!'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

Feathered frenzy

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

My master abandoned me because I had more 'likes' than he does. Please help.

'Can you tell me where James Herriot lives?'

Spring Training

Thanks to a generous grant from the oil companies, scientists discover the real reason glaciers are melting.

"His hip isn't getting any better. I really should have him put to sleep."

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

"Sure, I had a retirement plan. Stop going to work"

'I dunno about you but I fancy a taste of Christmas!'

Nobody has been on the this team longer, without actually playing in a game than you guys. We're setting a benchmark!

Battery Chicken

'See that, Greg? His back is straight. Both feet flat on the floor. Eyes fixed on the game. It's natural talent, Greg. You just can't teach that.'

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

Nine Lives Matter

'It was Bob's last wish to spread his ashes on the spot where he spent most of his athletic career.'

People for the ethical treatment of athletes.

'Know what? I don't feel drafts anymore.'

'Doesn't this bench belong in the park?'