Benchwarmer Supporter T-Shirts

'Sweeny's been sitting on the bench too long. We're going to need the jumper cables.'

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"I AM at my usual position."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

Prejudice/Empathy

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

'...Basset Hound! Anal sacs!'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

Feathered frenzy

My master abandoned me because I had more 'likes' than he does. Please help.

'Can you tell me where James Herriot lives?'

Spring Training

"His hip isn't getting any better. I really should have him put to sleep."

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

Thanks to a generous grant from the oil companies, scientists discover the real reason glaciers are melting.

"Sure, I had a retirement plan. Stop going to work"

Battery Chicken

'See that, Greg? His back is straight. Both feet flat on the floor. Eyes fixed on the game. It's natural talent, Greg. You just can't teach that.'

'I dunno about you but I fancy a taste of Christmas!'

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

'It was Bob's last wish to spread his ashes on the spot where he spent most of his athletic career.'

People for the ethical treatment of athletes.

'Know what? I don't feel drafts anymore.'

'Doesn't this bench belong in the park?'

'That's impressive, Hanks. Now just 'presto' it right back out of his skill. Geez... And you wonder why you never play.'