Benchwarmer Humorist Gifts

'Well, this is your lucky day, Sheedy.Go in for Moore... He just blew out his knee.'

"I play 'backside'. My backside is always on the bench."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"I AM at my usual position."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

Global Warmer 2000.

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

The food chain is like a huge corporation, the only one who really enjoys it, is the guy at the top!

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

"Carl, let me start off by saying I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you as a full-fledged human being."

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

The new green legislature requires methane mitigation.

"Sir, your greed is showing."

'I want a win-win situation where both wins are ours.'

"Oh, you know - wearing light clothing, drinking plenty of liquids, and avoiding strenuous activity."

"It's been unanimously decided that we don't like this table. Could you show us another model?"

'We're plowing our excess profits back into justifying our profits.'

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

"I love this time of year."

"But rather than me just sitting here talking, why don't we watch this video of me sitting here talking?"

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

"We're a cable giant, you're a cable giant."

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