Beef Stew Connoisseur Gifts

'I think I'll make my famous beef stew tonight.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

Best Before 5th Pint.

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"Scotch and water musick."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

"Shower beers? Aisle eight."

4 Reasons People Love Oktoberfest

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

'Malty tasking.'

"Fetch me another Sculpin IPA."

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

"And how would you like your steak?"

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

Eat Beef

"What'll ya have?"

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

Alphabet Soup: Ingredients - consonants and vowels.

Ice Cream Flavors

The Pooperrazzi