Bedtime Manager Gifts

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Swan Fairy Tales

'Where was the TSA?'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

"Time for bed, guys."

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

'...and then the DOW rallied six hundred points and the three bears felt like idiots...'

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

"Houston, we have a problem!"

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

Fairtale prosecutions.

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

'She didn't notice it was a wolf and not her grandma?? Had grandma never heard of electrolysis??'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'