Bedtime Manager Pillows

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Swan Fairy Tales

'Where was the TSA?'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"Time for bed, guys."

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

'...and then the DOW rallied six hundred points and the three bears felt like idiots...'

Fairtale prosecutions.

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

"Houston, we have a problem!"

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

'No sequel? No movie version? Just read me the big money makers like 'Harry Potter'.'

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

'She didn't notice it was a wolf and not her grandma?? Had grandma never heard of electrolysis??'