Bedtime Commander Gifts

'Do you have bottled spring water?'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Swan Fairy Tales

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'Where was the TSA?'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Time for bed, guys."

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

'Cover me... I'm going in.'

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

Fairtale prosecutions.

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"Houston, we have a problem!"

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

'She didn't notice it was a wolf and not her grandma?? Had grandma never heard of electrolysis??'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'

". . . and they lived happily ever after. . . in an aspirational sort of way."

"It had an interesting emotional arc and some nice plot twists, but the heroine and subsidiary characters were unconvincing within the historical context."

"Hello moon, the sun sends his regards."