Bedtime Commander T-Shirts

'Do you have bottled spring water?'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Swan Fairy Tales

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'Where was the TSA?'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

"Time for bed, guys."

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

'Cover me... I'm going in.'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

"Houston, we have a problem!"

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

'No sequel? No movie version? Just read me the big money makers like 'Harry Potter'.'

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

Fairtale prosecutions.

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

'She didn't notice it was a wolf and not her grandma?? Had grandma never heard of electrolysis??'

"It had an interesting emotional arc and some nice plot twists, but the heroine and subsidiary characters were unconvincing within the historical context."

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

". . . and they lived happily ever after. . . in an aspirational sort of way."