Bedtime Teller Gifts

'...and then the DOW rallied six hundred points and the three bears felt like idiots...'

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Dog Nightmares

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

The Poky Little Pupa.

'She's just great with the children.'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"Name your sources."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.