Bedtime Teller Gifts

'...and then the DOW rallied six hundred points and the three bears felt like idiots...'

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."