Bedtime Emailers Gifts

'I just e-mailed you, 'good night,' but it got bounced back, so, good night.'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Swan Fairy Tales

'Where was the TSA?'

"I'm not napping yet, but I am getting ready to with a pre-nap warm up."

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

"Time for bed, guys."

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

'A bed just isn't the same without a person in it.'

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'...and then the DOW rallied six hundred points and the three bears felt like idiots...'

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

'I don't mind him sleeping on our bed but why must he wear MY pyjamas?'

Fairtale prosecutions.

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

"Houston, we have a problem!"

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."