Bedroom Experimenter Gifts

"If Harold had learned anything over 50 years of marriage, it was the importance of keeping things interesting in the bedroom."

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

Jazz is Invented

"We tried 'Baby Mozart,' but he prefers 'Baby John Cage.'"

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

Tedious Romantic.

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

'We'll take it!'

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

"Frankly, I don't really want him to improve: he scares the predators away..."

Fred began to understand why this kit house was so cheap.

"I don't need to get out of bed, ma - I programmed an app to live my life for me."

'While my guitar gently creeks.'

Wine Lovers

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

'To save money, Bob started making his own wine. This Chablis, for example, only cost him $329 a bottle.'

Bad Violinist.

"Charles! Enough with the mulch!"

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"Are we there yet?"

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

"To quote my broker, 'Past results are no guarantee of future performance.'"

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

"This new adjustable mattress really does stop your snoring!"

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

Colin's GPS was to prove useless at finding Maureen's 'G' spot.

'Holy shit!'

That's a silly question. What does it LOOK like I'm doing?'

"I've noticed you've taken to wearing a lab coat lately. May I ask the reason why?"