Bedroom Consultant Gifts

"Do you have anything a little firmer?"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

Tedious Romantic.

Duvet nailed to the floor.

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

Categories are the key to organizing.

'We'll take it!'

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

"I don't CARE if Tracy Emin's bed sold for £4440,000...I STILL want you to clean your room."

Football addict

"I don't need to get out of bed, ma - I programmed an app to live my life for me."

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

Wine Lovers

'Ever since we bought thet blasted water bed we've been drifting apart!'

Father cuts the legs off of bed to solve the 'monster under the bed problem.'

"Tonight, I get the closet. I was under the bed last night and my back is killing me!"

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"Don't worry son. We're going to get you the best money that medicine can buy."

'Tom, Roscoe has been with me for nine years. You have been with me only two years. When the sad day comes that Roscoe passes on, THEN you can move to this end of the bed.'

"If Harold had learned anything over 50 years of marriage, it was the importance of keeping things interesting in the bedroom."

"To quote my broker, 'Past results are no guarantee of future performance.'"

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

"This new adjustable mattress really does stop your snoring!"

Colin's GPS was to prove useless at finding Maureen's 'G' spot.

Water bed.

Extremes meet - A very tall guest is shown to a short bed.

'Check out my new bed: Titanium frame, extra firm mattress... Should last for years...'

How Snakes Sleep.

Four beds labelled modern, abstract, surreal and cartoon

'Don't just sit there buffering, clean up you room.'