Bedroom Analyst Gifts

"Don't worry, it happens to lots of guys. In my experience, literally hundreds and hundreds of guys."

"To quote my broker, 'Past results are no guarantee of future performance.'"

'Your performance in bed?...On technical merit of artistic impression?'

"It happens to men your age. No one's judging."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

'The growing disparity of income is a tribute to our acumen.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

Performance In The Bedroom

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

'We'll take it!'

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

Harpist using her bed frame as a harp.

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

"If Harold had learned anything over 50 years of marriage, it was the importance of keeping things interesting in the bedroom."

Falling Stock.

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

'Home builders' watch the 'Housing starts' chart with excitement

Colin's GPS was to prove useless at finding Maureen's 'G' spot.

'Don't hurt it.'

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

I can't believe you're still hogging the sheets.

A couple look at a graph on their bed

"I enjoy role-playing, but do we really need the dramaturge?"

"Wow! I think you just moved up in the playoffs, Tom!"

Why you must get up.

Businesspeople gather in bedroom setting 'They can't regulate us in here.'

'He's always wanted an adjustamatic.'

"I broke up with Carl when I realized even his inner beauty was hideous."

"Where's the magic gone, Harold?"

Woman with a 'Teach yourself better sex' book has put man in the corner with a dunce haton