Bed Hog Pillows

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

'Why can't you SHARE the hedge?'

'Are you SURE you switched off the electric blanket, luv?'

"He ran out of pee."

'Anything good on?' TV replies 'No.'

"I can't take all the credit for this great quarter... but I will anyway."

"If women are te weaker sex, how come they get most of the duvet?"

"Tonight the covers stay on my side."

"USA map"

'It's so cold in here, and the heat is on full blast!'

Bedtime Real Estate Distribution (for dog owners)

"I know I'm not using all the chair but I don't do sub-leases!"

"Oddly enough, I could never work in a cubicle."

"My solicitor tells me I have grounds for a divorce. You're a control freak."

"You knew I had a thing for pillows when you married me."

"Yes, I know it's spring dear. But can I just have another day or two in bed?"

Wife to husband about pigs in kitchen: 'Sometimes I wish you weren't the county's champion hog caller.'

"Jeffrey, where'd you go?"

'For Diahrrea in hogs? Well, first of all, I'd feed bland garbage!'

"Well you won't be nicking all the duvet tonight."

Beware Of The Hog...

"My wife! Lying curled in the bed!"

A man watching television sees that the Apathy channel has been canceled due to a lack of interest.

'I'm at Kasey's and guess what? She has extremely bad morning hair!'

'Let's face it. . . the slop always looks better on the other side of the fence!'

'Anyway enough about me. Let's talk about my job instead.'