Bed Hogger Pillows

"You knew I had a thing for pillows when you married me."

"I hate it when we fight."

"You're hogging the covers again!"

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

'Are you SURE you switched off the electric blanket, luv?'

"Now he expects to come in whenever there's a cold snap."

"A trough full of food, mud to roll around in: Who cares if we can't fly..."

"If women are te weaker sex, how come they get most of the duvet?"

"I love you. We all love you. Now throw some strikes."

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

Bedtime Real Estate Distribution (for dog owners)

"I know I'm not using all the chair but I don't do sub-leases!"

Bipolar Bear.

"Yes, I know it's spring dear. But can I just have another day or two in bed?"

'Mine!'

"Jeffrey, where'd you go?"

Lavender under my pillow helps me sleep! At least until the hay fever kicks in!

'There's a four letter word for what we do in bed -R-E-A-D.'

'Oh, i'm actually dining alone. I just prefer this seat.

Woman threatens husband with gun in bed. He says: 'You've gone too far with this stealing the duvet habit.'

"Kinda makes it feel like summer."

"My wife! Lying curled in the bed!"

"You call this a knot?"

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'

"The hugging’s OK. The humping... not so much."

"Collects his paper every morning - regular as clockwork!"

Bed & Bedbugs.

Spending too much time in bed.