Bed Hair Warrior Gifts

"You have some serious bed hair, Dear."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Beware of the Dog Hair.

'First weeds of spring.'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

Getting Rid of the Cure

Odysseus returns to the Laundromat

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

Those missing socks...where do they go?

'He's so proud - We've got the best collection of weeds in the street!'

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

"Laundry or composting?"

"Yes dear, I'm sure if it were smaller the pepper mill would make a fine ear and nose hair trimmer."

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

Conversations With The Missing Link.

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

"Ruddy Japanese knotweed gets EVERYWHERE."

'Just stand there and don't sit on anything until we're ready to leave or you'll be covered with pet hair. I've got toothpaste on my dress.' 'My, what an elegant couple we are.'

"A garden is a thing of beauty and a job for ever."

Welcome to the Garden of Weedin'

"It must be love! He trimmed his beard!"

'I don't know how I got rid of mildew before Henry got me the flamethrower.'

"I washed it last night- now I can't do a damn thing with it!"

'It might be time to return you to the wild.'

"You've got to help me, Tom... my garden is out of control!"

"For the last time-empty your pockets before you put your robe in the wash."

'You were right - it's shallow rooting but spreading'

"Some of your lost socks were clogging up the motor."

Weod Monath (Weed Month) The Saxon word for the month of August.

Seed packet reads: EASY GROW JAPANESE KNOTWEED

Give a weed an inch and it'll take a yard.

"No, I'm not wearing a black sweater. My black cat sheds a lot."