Bed Hair Warrior Gifts

"You have some serious bed hair, Dear."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Beware of the Dog Hair.

'First weeds of spring.'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

Getting Rid of the Cure

Odysseus returns to the Laundromat

Those missing socks...where do they go?

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

'He's so proud - We've got the best collection of weeds in the street!'

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

"Say, Bill, how's that new crop of yours doing?"

"Laundry or composting?"

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

"Yes dear, I'm sure if it were smaller the pepper mill would make a fine ear and nose hair trimmer."

"I was trying to grow roses, but I got hit by the 'bluebonnet' plague."

Conversations With The Missing Link.

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

'Just stand there and don't sit on anything until we're ready to leave or you'll be covered with pet hair. I've got toothpaste on my dress.' 'My, what an elegant couple we are.'

'I don't know how I got rid of mildew before Henry got me the flamethrower.'

Welcome to the Garden of Weedin'

"A garden is a thing of beauty and a job for ever."

"I washed it last night- now I can't do a damn thing with it!"

"Ruddy Japanese knotweed gets EVERYWHERE."

"For the last time-empty your pockets before you put your robe in the wash."

"It must be love! He trimmed his beard!"

'It might be time to return you to the wild.'

"You've got to help me, Tom... my garden is out of control!"

'You were right - it's shallow rooting but spreading'

"Some of your lost socks were clogging up the motor."

Seed packet reads: EASY GROW JAPANESE KNOTWEED

Weod Monath (Weed Month) The Saxon word for the month of August.

Give a weed an inch and it'll take a yard.