Shed Warrior Gifts

"No, I'm not wearing a black sweater. My black cat sheds a lot."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"Stop the throw-away mentality! Save resources! A New Year every 750 days is quite enough!"

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

'To help save the environment, I've replaced all of our lightbulbs with compact fluorescents. Now I'm running the old ones over to the landfill...'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

'Tut! Men and their sheds, eh?'

Man with raked leaves on wall plaques.

"Would it kill you to compost?"

'Told you to get your mower fixed.'

'Since he bought the leaf blower I hardly ever see him.'

"Must get a longer cable."

'First weeds of spring.'

'Filthy Earthlings got here before us!'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

"Can't wait to see the look on his face when we put these back on the tree."

'What's the difference? It was a man-made lake in the first place.'

'They're just a few bored students with some vague ideology. They'll be gone and forgotten in no time.'

When Fred's super deluxe leaf blower blew up yet again, he wondered where global deforestation is when you want it,

Getting Rid of the Cure

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

We need an eco project that actually changes things. Ha! Good luck. Eco-club. Hey! We cut the school's use of plastic bottles 50% from last fall. Ahem. This year I feel 50% guiltier.

I went a little crazy with the pet hair sticky roller.

Recycle or ruin the planet?

'Say, aren't those the same weeds that came up last year?'

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

'Harnessing the Black Hole.'

'God knows what he gets up to in there all day.'

Man mowing lawn that grows quicker then he can cut it!

NYC Department of Sanitation

"You put your family in with the aluminum cans again, Mrs. Price."

"What a magnificent display of fall foliage – a blessing to behold." "*!#@!%* leaves!..."