Becoming An Adult Gifts

'When you're a kid, you keep score with report cards. When you grow up, it's credit scores.'

"Find a patch of sunlight, my boy. Find a patch of sunlight and bask in it."

"Son, you're all grown up now. You owe me two hundred and fourteen thousand dollars."

Eighteenth Birthday.

"I'll let you kids in, but you're gonna have to pay taxes and deal with your own mortality."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

It was the first Christmas he hadn't gotten any toys, and he realized he was now a man... he also realized sweaters are lame.

'Time for Daddy to tell you the 'Facts of life'...'

"This can't be happening! I'm supposed to be a cool adult! At least I bet I have a cool car!"

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

Three kids in a trench coat, twenty years later.

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'Isn't it time you started thinking about cars instead of horsie rides?'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"Today, son, you are a man."

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'