Growing Adult Gifts

"Today I got my first bill."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

Three kids in a trench coat, twenty years later.

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

'Isn't it time you started thinking about cars instead of horsie rides?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

'Where Are They Now?'

Origins Of Evolution

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'