Grown-up Child Gifts

"Dear, your father and I were thinking that maybe it's time you got a place of your own."

"This article says that the number of elderly living with their children is rising..."

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."

"Because if we'd told you we were coming you would have said no."

"Goodbye Sweetheart. No matter where you go in this life, or what you do, always remember that you signed an N.D.A. with us."

"Two years at home Son, and all you've earned is points on my credit card."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"Your mother says to quit bringing laundry over. She's dead."

"Here's a little song I wrote at my parents home while they screamed at me to move out and get a real job or at least go back for a year of community college."

Jimmy suffered from a severe fear of flying.

'I don't know why my parents are depressed. I'm here to check on them all the time.'

"That's the trouble when you visit your parents - no matter how old you are they end up treating you like a child again."

"Don't look now, but here comes the bungee umbilical cord again."

Food Bank of Mum + Dad

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

'Are we broke yet?'

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

Peter

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

'No hay, no grooming, no mucking out and they live in the broom cupboard!'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'