Adult Child Gifts

Praise works best when it comes straight after the positive behaviour.

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

"I'll never forget my father, near death, saying 'get me a pen... I'm going to change my will.' But it was Sunday, and all the stationery stores were closed."

"It's someone from your past who gave birth to you, and raised you, and sacrificed everything so you could have whatever you wanted."

"Your mother just wants to let you know that she's finally over her postpartum depression."

"You moving back in hasn't been a picnic for us, either. I can't wait until you have adult children of your own."

"Look, Alice, if you're unhappy with your life, just do what I do: whisper you wants and needs into a cloth napkin, then crumple it up and put it in your lap."

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"I couldn't find a nail file, like you asked, so I brought you some nail polish and lip gloss instead."

Secrets of Adulthood.

"You couldn't put on a nice a tie?"

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

Five Fundamental Forces

"Sorry, Kevin, but having the wi-fi down for a couple of hour is not 'living off the grid'."

"Son... promise me you'll send out a blast to my followers."

"Mother and I would love to have you move back in, but we've done some serious downsizing."

"I never thought I'd have to move back in with my parents."

The world's #1 motivational speaker

"I've changed my mind son - I've decided that I do want to be a financial burden on you . . !"

"Mum, I'm 38 - I can go on my own now."

"She's always had a thing for bad boys."

Adult Children of Yuppie Parents Support Group.

Rent A Mom

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"...at your age I was already an accomplished scrounger ..."

"And since when does being twenty-five and married and living in Dallas excuse you from a family meeting?"

"No, I do not live in my parents basement...it's a walk out."

'You live in your parents' basement. Don't you think calling it your 'lair' is pretentious?'

"Yes, it is a gaming mouse, but that doesn't mean you can play catch with it."

"It's 'Take-your-thirty-something-year-old-kid-to-work-and-get-a-job' Day."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"Dad, I'm responsible enough to drive and hold a job. Don't you think I'm responsible enough to wear the #1 hand?"

"I've been called for jury duty. How can I get out of it?"

'My parents had the decency to die at the right age!'

'Are we broke yet?'