Grown-up Children Gifts

Praise works best when it comes straight after the positive behaviour.

Estate Agent - 'This property comes complete with grown-up children left behind by the vendors.'

"When we grow up we can eat snacks BEFORE dinner and call them hors d'oeuvres!"

"Because if we'd told you we were coming you would have said no."

"Cody, we're ready to settle the case f Bucket List v. Boomerang."

"We turned your old room into an Amazon Fulfillment Center."

"I'm moving back home!"

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'Are we broke yet?'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Peter

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'No hay, no grooming, no mucking out and they live in the broom cupboard!'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"You used to be a lot more fun."

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

Origins Of Evolution

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."