Grown-ups Gifts

"If being normal is so natural.....why is it such a strain?"

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

Three kids in a trench coat, twenty years later.

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'No hay, no grooming, no mucking out and they live in the broom cupboard!'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"You used to be a lot more fun."

'Where Are They Now?'

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

'I can change! I swear!'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"You give the tooth fairy your teeth, and she gives you some money. It's called reverse mortgage."

'We think he has a future in politics.'

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'