Grown-ups Gifts

"If being normal is so natural.....why is it such a strain?"

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Three kids in a trench coat, twenty years later.

'No hay, no grooming, no mucking out and they live in the broom cupboard!'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

'Where Are They Now?'

Origins Of Evolution

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

"You used to be a lot more fun."

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

'I can change! I swear!'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"You give the tooth fairy your teeth, and she gives you some money. It's called reverse mortgage."

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

'We think he has a future in politics.'

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'