Adulthood Gifts

Father gives son luggage for his 18th birthday.

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"I'm at that point in my life when I don't want my parents to tell me what to do but I still want to blame them for it."

"Today I got my first bill."

Four Stages of Boyhood

'If these are the best years, can you imagine the crap that's coming?'

'I can't wait to grow up and just go to that machine and get money!'

"The way I see it, high school prepares you for early adulthood, which is kind of a warm-up for your mid-life crisis, and THAT'S when you finally learn what you really should do with your life!"

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Wordplay: Hibernation.

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

'Are we broke yet?'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

Three kids in a trench coat, twenty years later.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

Peter

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'Isn't it time you started thinking about cars instead of horsie rides?'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Where Are They Now?'

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"Wings will be cool, I guess, but I'm mostly hoping the braces and pimples fall off."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.