Beauty Standard Critic Gifts

"I like the way I look, but I hate my personality."

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

Cinderella and her Equally Attractive Stepsisters

Lara Catherina Stone

'Madam realises we're talking serious money here?'

Katy Perry

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

Missing my hair.

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"She's genetically modified, you know."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Bar Refaeli

Animal cosmetic testing

Martina Klein

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

Whatever look you were aiming for..you missed!

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

Frank and Ernest Updated Fairy Tales. Do you mean fair like "pretty" or fair like "evenhanded"?

"Girlfriend, you're not fat. You're just retaining a little water."

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

Romee Strijd caricature

'Too much Botox, Mavis.'

"In my culture it is very important to have straight teeth."

"What? It's been ten years. . . She's had six kids for goodness sake. She can't still be the fairest of them all!"

"...and the women who used the placebo makeup turned out to be just as attractive."

"Of course I love your long hair Rapunzel. But maybe you could shave your legs just once in a while?"

TV Programme - Celebrity cosmetically enhanced body parts.

"Actually, I do look a lot like my mom. It's just that I have her first nose."

"Naturally curly hair."

'I was born as beautiful as you, but after a few years you will see...'

"I'm sorry, I can't help you - they just pay me to sit here and look pretty."

Bridget Malcolm