Beauty Standard Analyst Gifts

"In my culture it is very important to have straight teeth."

Bad hair day!

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

Dating is so expensive...

Pampered and poodled.

"I don't like your application."

What price beauty?

One of the Ten Best Hair Days of the Year

'I'm not begging, I've just painted my claws.'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

New Twenty Blades

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

"I'm not trying to be beautiful, I'm only trying to look better than everyone else there."

It was time for a little bit of lady admin

Your presentation will be terrific. I was up all night, but something's still missing. Here. I've got just what you need. How thoughtful! Eye concealer! No need to thank me.

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

"More concealer?"

'This is a very powerful perfume -- there's a ten-day waiting period.'

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

'Botox...'

"I don'y know who did her, but when she laughs the wrinkles go in very weird directions."

'Well you tried, but be sure to keep Proof of Purchase.'

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

"That conditioner you recommended didn't do a damn bit of good."

Mirror mirror...

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

'A large Swiss Pharmaceuticals company has expressed serious interest in my potion.'

"I don't care what you think: it's cool, it's sexy, and I feel totally empowered."

A cow with a Brazilian.

'Here you are Dear, here's a fiver. Go in there and have them make you look like a million dollars.'