Beauty Standards Commentator Gifts

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

Missing my hair.

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"She's genetically modified, you know."

Toilet roll beauty tips.

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Whatever look you were aiming for..you missed!

Romee Strijd caricature

"Girlfriend, you're not fat. You're just retaining a little water."

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

"What? It's been ten years. . . She's had six kids for goodness sake. She can't still be the fairest of them all!"

"Of course I love your long hair Rapunzel. But maybe you could shave your legs just once in a while?"

TV Programme - Celebrity cosmetically enhanced body parts.

"Naturally curly hair."

"Actually, I do look a lot like my mom. It's just that I have her first nose."

'I was born as beautiful as you, but after a few years you will see...'

"I'm suck if this pressure to be beautiful all the time."

"Make my face sag - I want people to think I've never had plastic surgery."

"I asked for razzle-dazzle – not frizzle-frazzle."

'There, but for liposuction, go I.'

What puberty used to do. What puberty apparently does now.

Got anything in high definition?

'Hey, awesome jacket, Melanie! Suede?'

Man wearing boxer shorts being tossed out of Café with waiter adding 'No Pants, No Service' to window sign.