Beauty Standard Critic T-Shirts

"I like the way I look, but I hate my personality."

"My talent agent tells me I have the perfect face for a hand model."

Cinderella and her Equally Attractive Stepsisters

'Madam realises we're talking serious money here?'

Missing my hair.

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"She's genetically modified, you know."

Animal cosmetic testing

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

Whatever look you were aiming for..you missed!

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

"The cost of a haircut? It depends on what's in your underpants."

"Girlfriend, you're not fat. You're just retaining a little water."

Romee Strijd caricature

'Too much Botox, Mavis.'

"Naturally curly hair."

"Of course I love your long hair Rapunzel. But maybe you could shave your legs just once in a while?"

'I was born as beautiful as you, but after a few years you will see...'

"...and the women who used the placebo makeup turned out to be just as attractive."

"Actually, I do look a lot like my mom. It's just that I have her first nose."

TV Programme - Celebrity cosmetically enhanced body parts.

"What? It's been ten years. . . She's had six kids for goodness sake. She can't still be the fairest of them all!"

"I'm sorry, I can't help you - they just pay me to sit here and look pretty."

'There, but for liposuction, go I.'

"I'm suck if this pressure to be beautiful all the time."

What puberty used to do. What puberty apparently does now.

"I asked for razzle-dazzle – not frizzle-frazzle."

"Make my face sag - I want people to think I've never had plastic surgery."

Glop With Packaging