Beauty School Graduate Gifts

"Fixing bad dye jobs was my specialty in cosmetology school. Too bad after all those years, I perfected just one style..."

The Art Student.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

Cygnets from Swan Lake

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

'Yes, I'm very excited. I really think that I will make my mark as a surrealist miniaturist.'

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."

'You're no Pollock.'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

Before Art School. During Art School. After Art School

Pets: This animal has not been tested on products.

I just want to look natural. You know, like a movie star.

"Ugh. When will this acne go away?"

"These come with a Health and Safety warning..."

"I'm saying we lash out for the 'Deluxe' collagen treatment, next time, honey."

'There seems to be no end to his talent.'

Art Student

"You should find your eyesight improving once you remove the false eyelashes."

Magazines.

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

I'm a minimalist.

'Wax Lipped Cow'.

"Have you ever been young before?"