Beauty School Graduate Gifts

"Fixing bad dye jobs was my specialty in cosmetology school. Too bad after all those years, I perfected just one style..."

The Art Student.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

Cygnets from Swan Lake

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

'You're no Pollock.'

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'Yes, I'm very excited. I really think that I will make my mark as a surrealist miniaturist.'

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."

Before Art School. During Art School. After Art School

Pets: This animal has not been tested on products.

I just want to look natural. You know, like a movie star.

'There seems to be no end to his talent.'

"I'm saying we lash out for the 'Deluxe' collagen treatment, next time, honey."

"These come with a Health and Safety warning..."

"Ugh. When will this acne go away?"

"It turs out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

Future beauty pageant contestants' Christmas wish.

Art Student

"You should find your eyesight improving once you remove the false eyelashes."

Magazines.

Anita Roddick

"That anti-aging cream worked wonders."

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

"Have you ever been young before?"