Beauty School Student Gifts

"Dude, I didn't spend 2 years in hairstyling school just to shave your head!"

The Art Student.

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

The Artist

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Projectile painting.'

'An essay on what I did last summer? -- I was hoping to let all that stuff blow over.'

Just call me Picasso!

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

"Judging by the number of 'Polar Bear in snowstorm' paintings the class seems apprehensive using color."

Trust

German School

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

Tuck Shop

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Cartooning 101: Figure Drawing

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

Art Plagiarism

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

'Picasso'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

El Greco

Modern Portrait Gallery

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"