Art School Graduate Gifts

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."

The Art Student.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

The Artist

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

' A good idea '

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Just call me Picasso!

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

Picasso: The Early Years

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

"Judging by the number of 'Polar Bear in snowstorm' paintings the class seems apprehensive using color."

German School

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

The Best Art Teacher in the World.

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Cartooning 101: Figure Drawing

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

Art Plagiarism

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"