Art School Graduation Gifts

'You're no Pollock.'

'There seems to be no end to his talent.'

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

The Art Student.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

The Artist

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

' A good idea '

No Elgar!

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Projectile painting.'

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Just call me Picasso!

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

Picasso: The Early Years

"Judging by the number of 'Polar Bear in snowstorm' paintings the class seems apprehensive using color."

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

German School

School holidays

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

The Best Art Teacher in the World.

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

Cartooning 101: Figure Drawing

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

Art Plagiarism

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

'Yes, I'm very excited. I really think that I will make my mark as a surrealist miniaturist.'