Bathroom Attendant Gifts

'Sooner or later we'll have to cross their picket line.' (Ladies and Gentlemen toilet signs on strike).

"Thank you. Thank you very much!"

Even though all of the positions were filled, Herman was convinced that his calling was to be an usher - somehow, someway.

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"Would you like some wings?"

Fight or Flight

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

The World's Easiest Airport

Child on an airplane wearing a shirt with a switch that says "Airplane mode"

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

The World Wide Web.

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

A private jet takes off

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

'Flight simulator'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

Vaccination Passport

'I dont know about you, but I've got the feeling we're in for long flight delays...'

"Folks, if you look out of your window at those clouds below, you'll have a nice view of the Grateful Dead dancing bears."

"You're never home."

Airplane food

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."