Bartender Banter Gifts

Nice try, but you can't blame your empty highball glass on global warming.

James Bond in a Snow Globe

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

Yoga for Alcoholics

'No ice.'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

"Now I really hate poetry."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

We'll have Manhattans...

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

Join me in a Martini?

"Buy a man a six-pack, he drinks for a day. Teach him to brew, he drinks all his life."

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

Happy Hour

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'