Beverage Banterer Gifts

Yeah, but I hear she lays a mean Scotch egg.

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'I like you, you've got balls.'

Teapot

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

Wine Talking

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

The Art of Bantering!

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!