Beer Belly Banterer Gifts

'He was finally crushed by the weight of his own beer belly.'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

Body by Jake

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

Wine Talking

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

'You've had enough!'

"I'd say my favourite wine is the sixth one."

A breakthrough moment for the Wright brothers. How about some wings with that?

"I'm not whining."

"Sipsies?"

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"What I drink and what I tell the pollsters I drink are two different things."

Beer companies merge.

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'

CartoonStock Upload"You are an all-round good guy!"

'Who was that Chad?' 'Ahh, just an old flame of mine.' Two candles at the bar talking about the flame walking out the door

"Careful, Blanch. I think he's up to something."

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

BEER BELLY