Beer Belly Banterer Pillows

'He was finally crushed by the weight of his own beer belly.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

Body by Jake

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

Wine Talking

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"I'm not whining."

'You've had enough!'

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

"Sipsies?"

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"I'd say my favourite wine is the sixth one."

"What I drink and what I tell the pollsters I drink are two different things."

Beer companies merge.

"Stock photo, right?"

CartoonStock Upload"You are an all-round good guy!"

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'Who was that Chad?' 'Ahh, just an old flame of mine.' Two candles at the bar talking about the flame walking out the door

BEER BELLY

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'