Beer Belly Philosopher Pillows

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

''Light' beer bottles. Somewhere there's a slob on a diet.'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"Everyone, please welcome our new VP of being promoted and paid lots more than you for no apparent reason!"

Men gossiping

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"The corner ledge is reserved for senior management."

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

ONE HORSE TOWN

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

"Being my own boss sounds fun but I wouldn't be able to motivate myself."

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'I have an MBA, but I've never MBAed.'