Beer Belly Humorist Pillows

'We caught him with this up his jumper, trying to join the darts team under false pretences.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'Man...You age great!'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Teapot

Body by Jake

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

Join me in a beer?

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

BEER BELLY

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

'Two pints of blonde please.'

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

Drunken rooster has a hangover while sun rises.

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

People talking through a stethoscope.

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

'I'm having what he's having.'

'Someone must have called him yellow again.'

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."