Beer Belly Humorist Pillows

'We caught him with this up his jumper, trying to join the darts team under false pretences.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'Man...You age great!'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Teapot

Body by Jake

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

Join me in a beer?

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

BEER BELLY

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

'Two pints of blonde please.'

Drunken rooster has a hangover while sun rises.

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

'I'm having what he's having.'

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

People talking through a stethoscope.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

'Someone must have called him yellow again.'

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."