Beverage Banter Gifts

'Do you believe we return in another form when our time is through?'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"Is that neat whisky?"

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

'That guy is SO tacky.'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

"I'm not whining."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

Beer companies merge.

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

'Who was that Chad?' 'Ahh, just an old flame of mine.' Two candles at the bar talking about the flame walking out the door

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'