Beverage Banter Gifts

'Do you believe we return in another form when our time is through?'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

'That guy is SO tacky.'

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"Is that neat whisky?"

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"I'm not whining."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

Beer companies merge.

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

"Stock photo, right?"

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'

BEER BELLY

"Careful, Blanch. I think he's up to something."