Booze Banter Aficionado Gifts

"I hear alcohol slows reactions..."

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

We'll have Manhattans...

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

Shaken not stirred

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"Another flue shot, Larry.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Punch Drunk

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

Join me in a Caiprinha!

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

In case of falling markets break glass.

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Australian Mobile Bar

Beer/Wine/Spirits.

Join me in a beer?

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"Don't worry about the economy, dear. We'll always live large."