Pub Banter Enthusiast Gifts

'How did the speed dating go?' 'Great! It would normally take months to have my hopes raised, then dashed, so many times.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

City Boy.

'I know it's gassy...'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Men's fragrances...

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'I like you, you've got balls.'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'She thinks I'm out every night training for the London Marathon.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

The Endangered Species: Your Local Pub

Professional woman in pub

JOE'S 'COME ON - YOU KNOW YOU REALLY WANT IT' BAR.

Drunken singers in a public house

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

The Reaper's Arms

"Your shout!"

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

The Cavern Club - "One for the long and winding road Mr McCartney?"

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"My wife is trying to stop me doing my flamingo impression." "You must put your foot down! "

'Do not stand while the room is in motion.'

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'