Bark Barrister Gifts

"It's non-negotiable."

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"Have you tried biting him?"

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

"I yip, therefore I am."

"That's just not the real me."

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

'I heard my master say I was getting fixed...I didn't even know I was broken!'

"He's sending an instant message."

'I know what you're thinking, honey, it's out of our price range but, wait till you see the size of the mailman's leg on this route!'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

"I bark a lot, sure. But it's not like I couldn't quit if I really wanted to."

Cruel Pet Tricks

"Now watch this, bark recognition."

Big Bark Theory (canine version of the origin of the universe)

A barrister with his first brief

'Good thing we're not litigious.'

'Woof, woof, woof - but I'm paraphrasing.'

Free Associating.

'Short bark and sdes please.'

Dog dictionary/Dog Alphabet.

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

"So you’re Penny. It’s nice to finally put a face to the scent."

"We'd like a building where a sweet little cairn terrier can bark once in a while without the neighbor's getting absolutely hysterical."

"They said my barking was becoming inflammatory."

"Don't judge my client by the covers of the books he reads."

Introspection (To woof or not to woof...)

Bark bark bark bark

"Barking can be very affirmational."

'It's the closest thing dogs have to blogging.'

"Oh, she hears the bark, but all the nuance goes right over her head."