Bark Barrister Gifts

"It's non-negotiable."

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"Have you tried biting him?"

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"It's exhausting trying to keep him from throwing away perfectly good sticks."

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

"I yip, therefore I am."

"That's just not the real me."

"He's sending an instant message."

'I heard my master say I was getting fixed...I didn't even know I was broken!'

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

'I know what you're thinking, honey, it's out of our price range but, wait till you see the size of the mailman's leg on this route!'

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

"I bark a lot, sure. But it's not like I couldn't quit if I really wanted to."

Cruel Pet Tricks

"Now watch this, bark recognition."

'Good thing we're not litigious.'

Big Bark Theory (canine version of the origin of the universe)

A barrister with his first brief

'Woof, woof, woof - but I'm paraphrasing.'

Free Associating.

Dog dictionary/Dog Alphabet.

"So you’re Penny. It’s nice to finally put a face to the scent."

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

"We'd like a building where a sweet little cairn terrier can bark once in a while without the neighbor's getting absolutely hysterical."

'Short bark and sdes please.'

"They said my barking was becoming inflammatory."

Introspection (To woof or not to woof...)

"Don't judge my client by the covers of the books he reads."

Bark bark bark bark

"Barking can be very affirmational."

'It's the closest thing dogs have to blogging.'