Barking Barrister Gifts

'Good thing we're not litigious.'

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

Dog phrenology

"Take a right at Rocky's fire hydrant. A left at Duke's bench and the dog part will be one block past buddy's tree."

"I yip, therefore I am."

The Inner Dog.

I know they told me not to bark

One giant bark for dogkind.

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

'I know what you're thinking, honey, it's out of our price range but, wait till you see the size of the mailman's leg on this route!'

I think I'd like to make a motion at this time, your honor, but I cut a lot of classes in law school, and I'm not sure if I should make a motion to strike, or compel, or set aside a judgment, or

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'We never should have brought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious and arbitrary.'

'Finishing law school was easy compared to finding an office.'

"It's non-negotiable."

'Why is it he never understands sit,stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

"It all started out just fetching sticks, and the business sort of grew from there."

Descartes' dog.

"But the best thing about getting neutered, Gus, is that I'm finally able to focus on my novel-in-progress without any distractions!"

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

"I bark and bark non-stop, and then they come home. It works everytime."

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

'I take it, you're just starting out.'

Dog Food Groups

"Oh no, his bite is way worse than his bark."

'Principal Harris, I vehemently deny all the allegations against me. The accusations are a mirage of lies, half-truths...'

'When I offered the bribe, Your Honor, I was just being polite.'

'When do we learn to bark for no good reason?'

"Don't judge my client by the covers of the books he reads."