Barking Analyst Gifts

'Ms. Lemieux will read the incessant barking from the last meeting.'

Bitchbark Canoe

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'Arf! Arf!'

"Have you tried biting him?"

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

Dog phrenology

"Take a right at Rocky's fire hydrant. A left at Duke's bench and the dog part will be one block past buddy's tree."

"I yip, therefore I am."

Dog in therapy.

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

The Inner Dog.

One giant bark for dogkind.

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

Dog

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'Why is it he never understands sit,stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

"The 'yip yip yip' is mine. Stick to your 'woof woof woof.'"

Big Bark Theory (canine version of the origin of the universe)

Descartes' dog.

"Sorry to disturb you, Ma'am, but we've had some reports of a dog barking."

'Stop barking, Winston!'

"I bark and bark non-stop, and then they come home. It works everytime."

'Honey, I think it's cute that grumpy sings along with universal idols.'