Barking Comic Gifts

"They're out. It's the damn answering machine."

Bitchbark Canoe

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'Arf! Arf!'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

Dog phrenology

"Take a right at Rocky's fire hydrant. A left at Duke's bench and the dog part will be one block past buddy's tree."

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

Sonata for Piano and Dog

'Sure, he acts like he's into you now, but, trust me...he's only interested in one thing.'

"I yip, therefore I am."

Dog in therapy.

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

The Inner Dog.

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

"Since when did your time spend being man's best friend become billable hours."

One giant bark for dogkind.

I know they told me not to bark

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

Dog

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

Select a song: Another Dog Barking. Lots of Other Dogs Barking. Howling. Siren. Doorbell. Dog Karaoke.

Caution: Feeding the dogs under the table leads to the next inevitable step.

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'No, no, no I said SIT'