Barking Gifts

Dog phrenology

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"I yip, therefore I am."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

I know they told me not to bark

One giant bark for dogkind.

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Bitchbark Canoe

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'Arf! Arf!'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

We're halfway through teaching her to roll over.

Sonata for Piano and Dog

'Sure, he acts like he's into you now, but, trust me...he's only interested in one thing.'

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

Dog in therapy.

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

The Inner Dog.

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

"Since when did your time spend being man's best friend become billable hours."

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

Dog

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

Caution: Feeding the dogs under the table leads to the next inevitable step.

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

Select a song: Another Dog Barking. Lots of Other Dogs Barking. Howling. Siren. Doorbell. Dog Karaoke.

'No, no, no I said SIT'

'Hunger is a terrible thing, especially around dinner time!'